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"Do it yourself divorce" no court order in visitation (Family Law)

Fri, 01 Feb 2002 03:23:00 GMT
Tags: bri, court, custody, divorce, divorcequot, family, law, live, order, physical, quotdo, thru, visitation, workshop, yourselfquot, yrs

Hi i am new to this.
I live in Il my ex live in Ca. Our divorce was 8 yrs ago thru a "do it yourself" workshop. He has physical custody, but we share joint custody. My problem is when I lived in Ca I saw my 2 kids whenever I wanted weekends or week at a time. Since our divroce I have had 2 more kids and moved to IL to be closer to my family. I have offered to pay for my 2 kids to fly here and back to CA. I have been refused several times. Or have been given conditions(if i meet him in a hotel for a couple hrs alone or I have to pay for he and his wife to come also). I have only been able to go to CA 2 times in the past 6 1/2 yrs to see my kids. 1st time I got to see them for 2 hrs in a chuckie cheese even though i was there for 1 week. 2nd time i got to keep them overnite at the hotel. I took them to see my family whom they have not seen in 7 yrs. We also took them with us to visit my BF Aunt who live on a horse ranch (they were very excited) I called my ex to tell him I would be back a little late due to weather and distance. It was fine, unfortunatly I got back to the hotel much later than expected. He and his wife were waiting in the parking lot. As soon as we got out of the car my kids were orederd to go to their dads car. He and his wife followed us upstairs whe grabbed their bag and then stood by my ex. He then said to me "explain to me why your are late" I felt like a kid sneaking late on curfew. Words were exchanged and I told his wife to keep out of it it doesnt concern her. Her response was OH I'm in it. They then left.
What I want to know is how do I go about establishing interstate visitation? They want to come to IL and see my family.
Does his wife have any say in the situation?
It took 3 1/2 yrs just to get school pictures, he has moved several times and never notified me. I was not able to contact them for months at a time. I would call his mom to get information and phone numbers. I do not know what school they go to (they are not allowed to tell me or the teachers name). I have never seen any report cards. I had to get his address from the internet because he refused to give me it. When I send gifts it is to his mother's address. Recently I sent about $300 for my daughter to go to math camp and $80 for my son to buy skates. He will not by my son the skates and I have no idea where the money went. He says my son has to go to counsing. He has told them I left him because I didn't want to be their mom anymore. I left because he decided to date behind my back while I was pregnant with our daughter. I have never spoken ill of him to my kids, but now feel it is time to take off my gloves and tell the truth. Any advise anyone has I welcome. THANK YOU

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  • Fri, 01 Feb 2002 14:39:00 GMT(1)
  • If you want to see your kids, you need to take action. Hire a lawyer and file for visitation. If you don't have enough money, beg family members to borrow it.
    In some counties in CA, you will go to mediation first. If you can't work it out there, you will then go in front of a judge. I believe that spouses are not allowed in medition. Only you, ex, and mediator. Keep in mind that if this goes in front of a judge you will probably have to do some explaining about why you only saw the kids 2 times in 6.5 years. How many attempts have you made? What happened? Telephone contact? Letters? Put together a comprehesive history. This will be good to be able to give to your lawyer.
    As far as access to school records goes, you have equal access. If you don't know what school they're in, call the last school you know of and ask where they transferred their records. Then call that school and follow the trail.
  • Fri, 01 Feb 2002 12:03:00 GMT(2)
  • first off as anyone who does not get along with their ex knows, never send money for a specific item a child requests, just send the item itself. second, you have every right to have you kids visit and your ex's wife has no say in it, you need to file with the courts in the state your joint custody was issued and ask for a scheduled visitation. it is more cost effective if you and your ex can sit down with mediators and settle this other than bringin in lawyers.
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