Home » LAW »» Family Law

Coin Toss (Family Law)

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 09:58:00 GMT

What is the name of your state? Pa Allegheny county and Washington County
Hi,
I am new to this and hope that someone can help me out some.
I have two daughters 12 and 11. They live with there mom and I get regular visitations.
About two weeks ago My one daughter said that she had "oral" sex with a relative of my ex wife this is the second time that such allogations have been brought up by her regarding someone. the first time it was a minor child and the second time was an adult.
The first time notthing happened this was with a minor child at the age of 16.
This time its an adult . Both kids said that they were told by there mom not to say anything to anyone including my 12 year olds therapist. My 12 came to me and told me about this.
The judge in Allegheny county gave me temp custody untill my daughter could be interviewed by what they call a care team. That interview will take place this week. The judge make her ruling the day after.
I live in one county and my ex lives in another and I have been taking the kids back and forth to school over the past two weeks now. untill the judge rules if the kids should go back. Both kids are confused. They want to be with there friends and there animals and dont want there lives to be turned up side down as it has. On the other hand they want to be safe. I am in no financial condition to move to the school district that my ex wife is in.
I guess what I am asking is what should I expect and what should I do.? My attorney calls this a coin toss. We both think that both girls will talk about what happened but they will say that they want to go home with mom even though she was the one who told them not to tell.
By the way my daughter had a number of sessions with the therapist after telling her mom both with the therapist and with here mom in the room with me.
Thank you

Comments (16) | Promote | Bookmark |

  • Leave a Comment Now.
  • Comments
  • Mon, 22 Oct 2007 10:04:00 GMT(1)
  • They don't get to decide where they live. Once the judge makes a decision, (which I hope will be in your favor), the girls will need counseling. If they move with you, change their school, but allow them to see their friends on the weekends.
  • Mon, 22 Oct 2007 10:57:00 GMT(2)
  • Thanks for all who have replied.
    I do have the girls in therapy. Actually my 12 year old has been with a therapist for almost a year now. The "care team" is a group of individuals from diffrent agencies that get together to interview a child that has been abused like this. They only interview the child one time and one time only.
    As far as taking the child to the hospital under advisment of both my arrorney and CYS no I have not but depending on the outcome of the interview they will do that this week.
    Thank you again.
  • Mon, 22 Oct 2007 11:42:00 GMT(3)
  • Quote:

    Originally Posted by Ohiogal

    Why in God's name did they tell you NOT to take the child to the hospital?

    Your guess is as good as mine....
  • Mon, 22 Oct 2007 13:12:00 GMT(4)
  • Quote:

    Originally Posted by baystategirlThis thread is just sad...11 and 12 year old girls that value themselves so little and parents that are clueless...

    It's going around.... clueless parents and little girls w/no self-esteem, that is... it's damned near an epidemic.
  • Mon, 22 Oct 2007 12:17:00 GMT(5)
  • Quote:

    Originally Posted by CJane

    I'm curious about something...
    Is your daughter doing these things VOLUNTARILY?
    Are they being done in MOM'S HOUSE?
    Is she exhibiting OTHER sexually inappropriate behaviors?
    Has she been MOLESTED or is she ACTING OUT sexually?
    I realize she's only 11 and therefore cannot 'give' consent... but in a lot of areas and with a lot of kids, BJ's are the 'new French Kissing'. That is NOT to downplay this issue, but you're not giving 1/2 the information required and you don't really seem all that concerned about the ACT - only whether or not you retain custody.


    You have some very good questions.
    She said that she kind of wants to do these things.. that its like she wants to do it but then she doesnt feel right about it.
    She was never molested as far as I know but there may have been a sitation back when she was 4 that was investigated with an ex boyfriend but nothing was ever found ... she was taken to the hospital then and nothing was found.
    The situation with the 16 year old was at a new years eve party last year. Here mom according to my daughters was passed out in another room drunk when the boy approached her.
    This new situation. Was done at the guys house. My daughter left a party for a friend and was went to this guys house. They had a concersation and was goofing around and then he ask her ....
  • Mon, 22 Oct 2007 10:15:00 GMT(6)
  • What action was taken the first time this child made allegations of sexual abuse?
    Has the child been open w/the counselor even with her mother present at the sessions you've attended?
    Who is this 'care team' with? I don't find a reference to them in PA... only TX.
    How did you handle the allegations this time? Did you call child protective services? The police? Your attorney? Mom?
  • Mon, 22 Oct 2007 10:15:00 GMT(7)
  • Get the girls in counseling immediately. Did you take them to the hospital and have them checked out? Were they tested for STDs? If not DO SO NOW! The ONLY 'positive' about oral sex is neither could be pregnant. And that is a very ironic sarcastic positive. These CHILDREN have major problems -- not the least of which is a mother who is blind to the problems these actions can cause, have caused and what they relate to.
  • Mon, 22 Oct 2007 11:33:00 GMT(8)
  • Quote:

    Originally Posted by CJane

    What action was taken the first time this child made allegations of sexual abuse?
    Has the child been open w/the counselor even with her mother present at the sessions you've attended?
    Who is this 'care team' with? I don't find a reference to them in PA... only TX.
    How did you handle the allegations this time? Did you call child protective services? The police? Your attorney? Mom?

    The child ask that mom not be contacted because she said she was afriad that she would be beaten up. CYS was involved and my daughter actually told me and her councler.
    The councler told CYS and the girls went back to there mom. They had a meeting very simular to the one that we are going to have comming up and my daughter told everything that happened. But she didnt want to get the kid in trouble. this was her moms best friends nephew and because the the boy who did this was a minor we were told nothing would be done to him but a slap on the wrist
    For the most part my daughter has been open .. Her mom attends very few sessions I take her mostly every other weekend. Her mother has had her in councling before but has pulled both girls out once they get to know the councler and feel like there is some kind of a relationship. The councler has asked here mom to make the appointments every week instead of every other week but her mom refused untill I finaly put my foot down and made additional appointments .
    I think this answered your question thank you for your help...
  • Mon, 22 Oct 2007 10:59:00 GMT(9)
  • Please answer the other questions that were asked if you want any advice about your situation.
  • Mon, 22 Oct 2007 11:52:00 GMT(10)
  • Quote:

    Originally Posted by CJane

    I'm sorry, but your story just isn't ringing true.
    Your child comes to you and says she performed oral sex on another child... a child at least 5 years older than her and practically an adult... and CPS does NOTHING. AT. ALL.
    Your child tells you that she doesn't want her mother to know about it because she fears she'll be BEATEN UP. And CPS does NOTHING. AT. ALL.
    And NOW... she claims that she's given oral sex to a GROWN UP. And your first call is to your attorney?


    My first call was not to an attorney ... Not this time nor the first. My first call was to my daughters councler and then to CPS... In Washington CPS does nothing. Planin and simple I have gone round and round about this with them. They say its a cusdody matter.
    CPS had what they called a FAMILY get togehter so that we could bring issues like this together there solution was for my ex and I to attend mediation. .. 4 sessions scheduled and my ex only attened 1. A plan was put together and my ex refuses to follow it.
    That is why im asking for help on here.. I dont want the kids to go back into this situation at all. Im afraid for them and everything that this could lead to. not only the possibility of Diseases or pregnancy but what this is diong emotionlally to both of my daughters
  • Mon, 22 Oct 2007 12:08:00 GMT(11)
  • I'm curious about something...
    Is your daughter doing these things VOLUNTARILY?
    Are they being done in MOM'S HOUSE?
    Is she exhibiting OTHER sexually inappropriate behaviors?
    Has she been MOLESTED or is she ACTING OUT sexually?
    I realize she's only 11 and therefore cannot 'give' consent... but in a lot of areas and with a lot of kids, BJ's are the 'new French Kissing'. That is NOT to downplay this issue, but you're not giving 1/2 the information required and you don't really seem all that concerned about the ACT - only whether or not you retain custody.
  • Mon, 22 Oct 2007 11:31:00 GMT(12)
  • Quote:

    Originally Posted by mav8348

    Thanks for all who have replied.
    I do have the girls in therapy. Actually my 12 year old has been with a therapist for almost a year now. The "care team" is a group of individuals from diffrent agencies that get together to interview a child that has been abused like this. They only interview the child one time and one time only.
    As far as taking the child to the hospital under advisment of both my arrorney and CYS no I have not but depending on the outcome of the interview they will do that this week.
    Thank you again.

    Why in God's name did they tell you NOT to take the child to the hospital?
  • Mon, 22 Oct 2007 11:42:00 GMT(13)
  • I'm sorry, but your story just isn't ringing true.
    Your child comes to you and says she performed oral sex on another child... a child at least 5 years older than her and practically an adult... and CPS does NOTHING. AT. ALL.
    Your child tells you that she doesn't want her mother to know about it because she fears she'll be BEATEN UP. And CPS does NOTHING. AT. ALL.
    And NOW... she claims that she's given oral sex to a GROWN UP. And your first call is to your attorney?
  • Mon, 22 Oct 2007 12:52:00 GMT(14)
  • AGAIN! Hospital. STD tests. BIRTH CONTROL should also be gotten based on what you have added.
  • Mon, 22 Oct 2007 13:04:00 GMT(15)
  • This thread is just sad...11 and 12 year old girls that value themselves so little and parents that are clueless...
  • Mon, 22 Oct 2007 11:50:00 GMT(16)
  • Quote:

    Originally Posted by mav8348

    Your guess is as good as mine....

    Are you concerned with winning a lawsuit or acting in your daughter's best interest? If whta you say is true YOU NEED TO TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER TO THE HOSPITAL AND HAVE HER TESTED FOR STDS! Screw the courts and attorneys and CYS. Act FOR your child. Not for your attorney. Sorry but the child's HEALTH comes before a lawsuit.
  • Leave a Comment Now.

Family Law Open Questions

Cohibiting in Texas After Divorce

What is the name of your state?Texas My divorce was final in September 2001 and my ex-husband moved back in October 2001. We both agreed that is was best for the children and that he would continue to pay child support and the mortgage (which is still is both of our names). My ex moved out in......

Cohabiting & custody

TN - My husband left three months ago and the divorce papers were officially started last month, on grounds of Irreconcilable Differences. Since then, I have started dating someone (a longtime friend - no funny business prior to separation) who lives in DE and is planning on moving down. My......

Cohabiting after being seperated 18 months

I am in Virginia. My fiance and I began dating 8 months ago. At the time she told me that she wasn't married and didn't have children but I since learned that she has been legally seperated 18 months and been trying to get a divorce without knowing the procedures (she is a resident alien from the......

Cohabitattion after divorce

Wisconsin I have several issues. First, shortly after my ex and I were divorced, I moved back in with her after she kicked out her abusive boyfriend. We spent the next 18 months sharing costs for the kids, 10 months of which we lived under the same roof with the kids. I am being charged for this......

Cohabitation-Ga

I lived with a guy for 3 years we had no prenups. Both agreed that when it was over we seperate as friends him taking his stuff and me taking mine.. I told him I was leaving so I packed a couple suittcases of clothes and left.and he packed everthing he said was mine and. He even brought the stuff......

Cohabitation without marriage

West Virginia I have been living with my partner for 7 years. We are in the process of building a house. The loan is in his name at the bank, but at the place of purchase it is in both our names. We are currently having problems and will probably split up. I have contributed financially and......

Cohabitation Separation Agreement

What is the name of your state? CT Currently I live in a rental with my boyfriend, my daughter and his son. We've been together for over 2-years and he is now purchasing a house. Because my name is not on the house my parents have strongly advised me to do up some kind of separation agreement.......

Cohabitation Separation

I am completely new to this, and my english is not so good. So please excuse me if there are any mistakes My friend is going to separate from her boyfriend after living with him for 6 years without marriage. They have 2 children ( 6 and 1 yr old). He is a real estate agent who completely......

cohabitation or re-marriage not in contract

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?NH My ex-husband and I were divorced in Jan 2004. He was order to pay me $150/month in alimony. He cheated on me a number of times during our marriage. Although I had all the proof I needed, I did not......

Co-habitation legality

What is the name of your state? Ohio, North Carolina. Hi, all. My question is simple...I hope the answer is as well. Is heterosexual cohabitation by two consenting adults legal or illegal, by statute or court decision, in the following states? North Carolina Kentucky Ohio. Thanks, Jim...

Some questions maybe you're interest in...

Communications

[Wills & Trusts] What is the name of your state? Minnesota Does the lawyer that the executor is using to probate the will have to let the beneficeriars of the trust and will know what is going on in terms of the process of probate. The lawyer my brother in law had draw up my father in laws will and trust and now.........

to know

[Tax Law] What is the name of your state? US Hi, i am beginner in marketing business ,i want to know tax laws at same time tax filing services .wat aboutfollowing link how far it will be benifitable ......

Can I change a will if I'm P.O.A.?

[Wills & Trusts] What is the name of your state ? Washington I'm taking care of my mother and have been for 2 years, my two older sisters have done nothing to help and one has nothing to do with my mother at all. I wanted to know if I could change the will from equal shares to compenste me for taking care of the.........

Trademark & Exclusive distributor

[Intellectual Property] What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? FLORIDA I have a 5 years agreement with a US distributor where he has the exclusivity to sell one of our products and we are now he wants to own a 20% of the trademark for the US. Would we be able to change to a new distributor if he does not.........

business in wifes name, on SSD

[BUSINESS & FINANCIAL & Corporate LAW] What is the name of your state, ny I heard that the US government is cracking down on this. Can a person go on social security disability, start a business, and put the business in their wifes name? I had seen this happen a lot. Dont say that a person has to be disabled to go on SSD. That scam.........

Is the Patriot Act Constitutional?

[Government & Administrative Law] What is the name of your state? Ohio I've been wondering this for a while. How can the Patriot Act be Consitutional? Doesn't it go againt many right listed in the Bill of Rights? My question is why hasn't the Patriot Act been tried in the Supreme Court yet? Has it been tried in court at all.........

Manufacturing / Selling Replacement Parts

[Intellectual Property] What is the name of your state? GA My question is; How does the law work in relation to manufacturing and selling replacement parts for something that has a patent? For instance, where is the line drawn? Replacement auto parts makers manufacture and sell replacement parts for auto's when the.........

Students false accusations lead to punishment

[Government & Administrative Law] What is the name of your state? CA My son did not do the action he is accussed of and was cut from the school program. During several chemistry lessons the teacher left the class unattended for almost entire class periods. The roll book was left opened on teacher's table with all other papers..........

employer accounting mistake for health premiums

[Insurance Law] in early 2002 i was laid off and rolled over onto my husbands insurance policy where he works. we were receiving family coverage and assumed everything was fine. last week, my husband was called into his bosses office and told that there was an accounting error and that for the past year, they.........

i have not received 2001 w2 from sued employer

[Tax Law] colorado i am currently in the process of taking my former employer to small claims court but i haven't yet received my w2 from 2001 to file for taxes. she says i can't have them until after court, is this true, i thought employers were required to send them out by january 31st? i am taking her.........