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Father wanting his Daughter (long..sorry) (Family Law)

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• Thu, 01 May 2008 18:07:00 GMT(1)

• Quote:

  Originally Posted by LdiJ

  Its the length of time and the frequency of the change. She won't understand what has happened to mom when she switches to dad, and then she won't understand what has happened to dad when she switches to mom. If she were a year or so older, and could communicate more, it could work better.....or if they were closer together, and could switch every three or four days, it could work better. I am particularly opposed to dad's idea of switching every two weeks.

  He mentioned every week and then every 2 seemed to be a back up plan. There are those who would say every week is too often and every 2 would be better. They'll have to work it out, but shared custody is definitely do-able in some form.
  This is his history:
  I have been involved in my daughter's life since she was 3 months when paternity was established (she is now 14months old).... Since the age of 6 months I have been having weekend visits with my daughter (driving from PA to VA...3hrs each way...it was the MOM who moved out of state) which started @lawknowledge.org. 2 days and now is currently 4 days every 2-3 weeks, though it does sometimes end up being a month between visits due to EX refusing time and changing schedules.
  Since daughter went from seeing Dad every weekend for 2 days to 4 days every 2-3 weeks and there hasn't been mention of adjustment problems, either option OP mentioned for shared time should ostensibly work.
• Thu, 01 May 2008 23:11:00 GMT(2)
• I hear what everybody is saying and respect everyone's opinions and insight into the situation. I really hope though, that all of you who say that 5 /5 is possible are right
  What is really scary is the unknown amount of time that could pass by trying to get a court date and then waiting for it. Is it normal for the courts to set up some sort of visitation schedule while waiting for the court date? Is it possible that months could go by and I would not be allowed to see/have our daughter? With all the things happening now...this is one of my biggest fears....not being able to be part of our daughter's life and not being able to see, hold, kiss, play...etc with her untill this is all over.
  I hope that the mediation or co-parenting class doesn't become a reality. It is not because I am against trying to work things out...it is because my EX refuses to try and work things out. The whole idea from the start was to create this "stipulation" outside the courts to be able to agree on the visitation and custudy and end it there. However, every time I gave her a copy of a stipulation..it was always "NO" or "I will never sign this" for x,y,z reason. Never giving any alternatives, compromises, or suggestions...just said NO and expected me to make more changes....eventually wanting me to make the stipulation "Her stipulation" which allowed me basically nothing in regards to visits or rights. I do not see her being any different in a court ordered mediation; anything I want or suggest will be a "NO". I truly believe it will take a court order to force her to allow me my rights as a father.
  It is truly sad that it had to come to this and I cry for our daughter every night.
  In some ways I hope that this heated discussion may help others in their quest for knowledge and insight for their own problems. I will continue to let you all know how this advacnces.
  Thank you all again for your continues insight and willing to take the time and place a post.
• Thu, 01 May 2008 00:02:00 GMT(3)
• Thank you all for your continued advice and comments. For those who questioned my motives in regards to our daughter...let me clarify the underlying reasoning for the statments I made.
  I am not out to "get" my EX or to "hurt" her...I want what is the best overall for our Daughter. My fear was that medication was being used INAPPROPRATLY and that our daughter's actions was demostrating this fear. It seems that overall; the view of our daughter's attraction towards tylenol is a "normal" reaction and that it would be foolish to try and use it. I appreciate your candor and honesty in regards to your statements.
  In regards to "The Final Blow"...I returned our daughter to my EX after a wonderful visit with me. Upon returning home, I received an e-mail saying bluntly...."You cannot have any more visitations with 'our daughter'. She will remain home with me where I know she will be taken care of safely...." She also added that it will be like this until a formal stipulation can be agreed upon (as you read the previous logs..you will see that this is impossible).
  So now...I have an appointment with my lawyer on monday to get the ball rolling on taking my EX to court for my basic rights. With all your input...I am now going to fight for a 5 /5 custody (either 1week on/off or a 2week on/off due to the distance), 5 % of transportaion support, CS adjustment for increased time with me, and tax credit sharing. This is not out of anger or hatred, but what I believe is in our Daughter's BEST interest. I guess I will find out about when, where and how the court will work with it being PA residency and other factors in VA
  Hopefully I will get the visitation and court orders I would like due to:
  1) All the attacks my EX has made towards me and my ability to rasise our daughter, and my actual existance in her life...etc,
  2) All the restrictions and roadblocks my EX has placed to prevent me from seeing my Daughter
  3) All the times I have tried to compromise on this "stipulation"
  4) MY EX being the one who is REFUSING to allow misitation that has been going on for the past 6-8 months
  5) My constant desire to be involved and influential in our Daughter's life regardless of the above problems.
  Any other thoughts in this matter?
  I will let you all know how things develop.
• Mon, 28 Apr 2008 00:01:00 GMT(4)
• I thank you all for your insite into this matter and I have alredy applied some of the things you all said to the way I think and plan. To answer a few of your questions:
  1)The MOTHER was the one who moved to PA and has been there for about 10 months or so. The CS case is here in VA, but the mother is trying to make stipulation in PA. Kind of don't want to have case moved to PA..as mother said "I could just move the CS to PA and I would get a lot more money". Is it possible to have the case in VA since the child was born in VA and CS is established in VA?
  2) There was information regarding holidays and shool vascations are in the stipulation, but I didnt include it at the time because I though it as a minor issue all considering. Pretty much, untill our daughter is in school, all holidays except chirstmas and new years will be negotiated as they come up. I really don't mind this for now since 4th july, memorial day..etc...I really don't care about. Thanksgiving will be alternated, and when school starts, I will have her for alternating breaks, or otherwise a piece of them to accomodate the school schedule....of course the way things are going now...who knows.
  A transportation section is in there saying that if something happens when the child's visit is cut short..mother is responisble for driving. I would like her to do more of the driving, but as of now...when she says that she can do it..it is either a day earlier for pickup, a day later for drop off, or at the very least, 1st thing in morning for pickup or late in evening for drop off. I say no whenever these "stipulations" are placed because I do not want to loose my precious time with our daughter.
  3) A regular pick-up/dropoff location is in place, and when I do have my daughter she always is at my house. This is also becoming an area of attack for my EX. She is complaining that my brother-in-law lives in the same house as me and my wife, and how she is not comfortable with this...and has made indirect threats and insults about my BIL and his living status. Funny thing is that he owns a piece of the house and has lived there even before I moved in. Granted the residency is only part time, but it should be none of my EX's business who lives in the house. Can visitation be restricted because of who lives at the house? (BIL has clean record, non criminal, no drugs, etc... loves my daughter)
  Finally as the update...what really constitutes as neglect or child endangerment? I ask because ovbiously I have some fears. Mainly the area on "child stimulation" Ex: I got a copy of our daughter's "routeine" and all it really consists of is sleep and food. In an entire day...mabye 3-5 hours of possible play time/activities. When my daugher is with me, we are constantly doing this...playing and other forms of stimulation, and she has no problems with us eating or sleeping. Though when she returns to her other home, mom complains that our daughter is "fussy and clingly"....I wonder if it is because we are actually giving her attention all the time and being with her?!? Because of this as well...she has threatened to reduce the visits...believing the behavior is due to being away from home too long. Am I just being crazy or is there possibly some legitmacy to this idea?
  My other area of concern regards medication (child endangerment). I believe that our daughter is being over medicated or given meds inapropriatly...mainly the use of Tylenol. I found out that if I was to hold the bottle of tylenol out and show it to her...she would look/smile/grab/place in mouth. This is also the case when she is crying...she cries/sees tylenol bootle/stops crying/smiles/grabs bottle/puts in mouth. I have tried this with other objets and bottles the same size...and she only does it for Tylenol. She even did the reaching and putting in mouth motion when she saw just a tylenol box. I am thinking of getting a tylenol blood level checked to see.. Once again..just crazy or possibly a problem? If these two items can be considered legit...is it enough to possibly use against my EX if I needed to?
  Thanks again for all the help.
• Mon, 28 Apr 2008 09:37:00 GMT(5)
• look.
  cs will stay in va- that's how it happens- to keep parents from trying to move to a state that will be better for them cs wise.
  chances are your custody/visitaiton is going to take place in pa since she has been there long enough to have residency. you should have filed before the 6mo mark. You can try to file it in va, but don't be suprised if they refuse due to lack of jurisdiction.
  study up on long distance parenting plans for pa
  joint legal with mom having primary residential
  get your schedule in place and take care of all your holidays, etc- think ahead. You do not want to have to go back and do this in a cpl years when kiddo starts school.
  the week on/week off is good, but think about whether it will mess with the child when they have to go to a primary situation for school (unless you are planning on moving there).
  i cannot stress enough how important it is to get EVERYTHING in writing, especially in dealings where th e2 people cannot get along
  as for the neglect, don't go there- not if that is all you have. It will go very badly for you. When she is being left in a trunk while mom parties, then talk to us about neglect. I don't even know if there is a test for od on tylenol. And I would think you would have to show consecutive tests showing elevated levels over a period on time.
• Thu, 01 May 2008 19:08:00 GMT(6)

• Quote:

  Originally Posted by wileybunch

  He mentioned every week and then every 2 seemed to be a back up plan. There are those who would say every week is too often and every 2 would be better. They'll have to work it out, but shared custody is definitely do-able in some form.
  This is his history:
  I have been involved in my daughter's life since she was 3 months when paternity was established (she is now 14months old).... Since the age of 6 months I have been having weekend visits with my daughter (driving from PA to VA...3hrs each way...it was the MOM who moved out of state) which started @lawknowledge.org. 2 days and now is currently 4 days every 2-3 weeks, though it does sometimes end up being a month between visits due to EX refusing time and changing schedules.
  Since daughter went from seeing Dad every weekend for 2 days to 4 days every 2-3 weeks and there hasn't been mention of adjustment problems, either option OP mentioned for shared time should ostensibly work.

  I am thinking about the child only here. I am not thinking about what is fair for either parent. I just happen to feel very strongly about this particular issue because its something I did a lot of research on some years back. I realize that pretty much no one else on this forum agrees with me, but I really do believe that what he is proposing will be very hard on the child.
  The child's entire life will change every week, when the child is too young to understand why her life is changing. A 4 day visit every other week is very different than every other week. In addition, the child will definitely grieve for the other parent after each exchange. If they were in the same community, and the child could have dinner or evening visits with the other parent on the off week, it wouldn't be nearly as bad in my opinion.
  Then, once the child is old enough to understand what is going on, and to feel secure with life, it will have to turn around and change again, and the child's life will be disrupted again, because they won't be able to continue with every other week once school starts.
  I strongly feel that a better parenting schedule is one that can be substantially maintained for the child's entire childhood...where it doesn't have to be disrupted again in a few years.
  Honestly, please think about it? Will it be harder for the child to adjust to seeing daddy for two days every two weeks instead of 4 days every two weeks, or will it be harder for the child to adjust to seeing her parents every other week, to suddenly seeing one of them for only two days every other week? (once school starts)
  I see no up side to 5 /5 for this child....not with her parents living in two different states. One of the parents would be a big winner in that scenario, but the child would just lose.
• Mon, 28 Apr 2008 08:17:00 GMT(7)
• I hope that I am understanding you correctly, if not please correct me.
  You have a child support order in VA, but at this time do not have a custody order in place, and you are looking towards arranging one?
  First question is: How long has Mom and child resided in PA? If over 6 months, there is a good possibility that she will and can have custody/visitation order drawn up in PA.
  Second question is: What type of visitation is in place now absent a court order? Is there a consistent one? If so, and if you can show precedence, a good amount of courts will go with precedence, not a slam dunk but something worth working with.
  Third is not a question but a comment: Since CS is already set in VA and you still reside in VA, it is unlikely from what I know, that PA will now take over CS. Mom can register CS in PA so that interstate is well aware of CS order from what state to another, but all that does in reality is make it so if there was any difficulty with monies, that both Commonwealths are involved.
  Mom: Primany physical custudy
  Dad: Joint Legal Custudy
  1) Visitation: Fri-Mon every 2 weeks
  2) 2 weeks summer vacation (with added verbage for when the child enters school)
  3) She gets Christmas..I get Dec 26-Jan 2..evey year (Nothing wrong with christmas during new years) and mutually agree on other holidays (adjusted for when child enters school)
  4) Step-mother (my wife) can pick her up without me when I am unable to do pickup (E.X. EMERGENCIES)
  5) Ability to privide emergency and routine medical care as needed (daughter is under my insurance)
  Number one, is a good start but honestly why can't you have week on week off especially if child is not school aged?
  Number two, I think at this age week on week off would be a great place to start.
  Number three, I would split all holidays that can be split in half, especially major holidays that school districts give a week or more time off. Smaller holidays, veterens, columbus and others, should be given to parent that has that day, especially if it is a week on/week off schedule.
  Number four, I have seen courts in both states go both ways on this issue. In VA particular I have actually seen where court orders actually names a third party that is to do pick ups/drop offs. In PA I have not seen one party particular name, but that parent can appoint someone to do pick ups/drop offs if they are unable themselves, but are to notify other parent within 48 hours that another party is doing said pick up/drop off, this way other party can check identification.
  Number five, if joint legal custody, you have the right to have child receive care when child is in your custody, whether it is emergency or routine. The only difficulty, that may a rise is if your insurance asks that you pick a primary care doctor, and you want one in VA and Mom wants one in PA. If you are able to get week on/ week off custody then you could possibly run into another issue, as insurance won't usually allow 2 primary care doctors. So definately address this in accordance to whatever custody/visitation schedule you are able to get.
  Now my own comment, is it possible before child becomes school age for you to move to Mom's area? It will help your situation later if you can, especially if you are able to obtain week on/week off now.
• Thu, 01 May 2008 21:07:00 GMT(8)
• Mom's already changed the visitation frequency so suddenly is seeing Dad less so no one has to guess at how the child has handled it, there is already empirical evidence. Not suggesting that b/c child has adapted the change apparently well (guessing since OP would have surely brought up child angst if there was some since that would go in his favor) that Dad should just accept being marginalized in child's life, but saying that if there was some downside to having child go for a week or two w/o seeing one parent, it hasn't manifested itself and has already happened in her life.
  I don't know how it can be said that it's better for a father to be a visitor in their child's life.
• Thu, 01 May 2008 09:13:00 GMT(9)
• Just to clarify, yes there are specific tests for tylenol toxicity. And yes, tylenol in overdose is very dangerous and toxic to the liver.
  That said, I tend to agree with one of the other posts that a small child's interest in the bottle or object doesn't necessarily mean that she's had it in excess. Unless you have other reasons to believe the mother would jump to medicating excessively (lack of education, unable to quiet a child reasonably, etc) I wouldn't pursue that avenue. I sympathize with you trying to keep "ammunition" in your corner, but speaking of it does come off as you being on the offensive and trying to find fault with your child's mother.
  If you're truly in this for the long haul (and I don't doubt that), just have a place to put your thoughts, observations, etc. and don't let them rule your actions toward/against the mother of your child.
• Mon, 28 Apr 2008 10:12:00 GMT(10)

• Quote:

  Originally Posted by Ohiogal

  And the child is at the stage where she is teething and many doctors recommend tylenol for children when teething to get rid of the pain.

  My two year old granddaughter LOVES the taste of children's motrin (don't ASK me why) therefore she also gets very excited to see the motrin bottle. Does that me she gets too much of it? Absolutely NOT.
• Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:24:00 GMT(11)
• I think everybody is pretty much in concurence that your demands are very reasonable. The best thing to do, as far as visitation, is to temporarily keep it the same as it is now adding alternating holidays. Anything more might raise questions. That way, it gives the both of you time to adjust. There will always be an opportunity to review the agreement and make adjustments as necessary.
  The only other legal issue is where would you have to file your petition. Since the ex has moved with the child to PA, you may have to file in PA (believe after residing in a state for 6-months could considered a resident).
  As a non-custodial male, it is EXTREMELY important to handle ALL phases of responsibility. Not just the being there for your child part, but also preserving your rights as a father. Just because the ex does not agree with your demands does not mean a judge wont. It is very important to have a visitation agreement set in stone by the court or else risk the possibility of losing some or all of your parental rights (there is technically no agreement until something is done in court).
  As somebody who has been through everything you mentioned.....Good Luck!
• Fri, 25 Apr 2008 06:36:00 GMT(12)
• I will give you advise other people will debate. Based on your childs age, I would not ask for more than one week at a time, and ideally I would keep it at 4 days at a time...perhaps split up over the summer. No judge will grant mom this, so if it behooves you to offer, she is out of her mind to reject it.
  The reason is babies may be getting bonded but they do not have object permanence yet...until they are around 4 or 5 years old. Also your baby is at an age where anxiety separation hits...right between 1 and 2 years old. So I say this because you don't want to stress the baby. Yes, the baby will adapt...but to stress...so I suggest limiting the long term visits for now.
  Has your attorney told you you have rights to joint legal custody in VA? I presume he knows this is where the babies jurisdiction is? If you have joint legal, then you have rights to all medical and education agreements....you and mom have to agree.
  Is mom going to declare the baby a resident of PA? You may want to ask you attorney about that...after a period of residency, with no dispute from you, she can claim that the childs state and you will have to go there for court dates...so try to get as much done now as you can as to agreements.
  I don't know what a judge would say about stepmom transporting baby/child...if its in an emergency...I cannot see why not but I do not know VA judges. If your attorney is telling you you are within your rights, go with that....asking 2 summer weeks is very reasonable, but for reasons I stated above, I would not do it. Make sure you request a graduating plan, so when child gets older, you have as much time with child as possible. Consider part of spring break, part of xmas break. alt Thanksgiving, school holidays...many fall on a Monday...ask for extra time with baby over those holidays.
• Fri, 25 Apr 2008 08:40:00 GMT(13)

• Quote:

  Originally Posted by DedicatedFather

  Basically..
  Mom: Primany physical custudy
  Dad: Joint Legal Custudy fine
  1) Visitation: Fri-Mon every 2 weeksOK
  2) 2 weeks summer vacation (with added verbage for when the child enters school)OK
  3) She gets Christmas..I get Dec 26-Jan 2..evey year (Nothing wrong with christmas during new years) and mutually agree on other holidays (adjusted for when child enters school)its customary to alternate, but I know due to distance even though they are supposed to alternate this is the arrangment my husband and his ex do, outside of thier court order, its much less stressfull. Because it is usally customary for people to swap christmas day in some way you may be able to use giving her christmas yearly as a possible bargaining chip for other things you want but she is hedging on...
  4) Step-mother (my wife) can pick her up without me when I am unable to do pickup (E.X. EMERGENCIES) this is fine, and I would NOT back down, considering there is distance between you and stuff happens, I would though name the step mom specifically and then go on to also include the known members of your household, also...there is no need to play games at puck up and drop off when you KNOW the person mom or dad sent in thier stead..
  5) Ability to privide emergency and routine medical care as needed (daughter is under my insurance)with joint legal custody you have every right to get the child needed care on your time
  ...and a bunch of other nonsence.
  1) Are my demands legit or am I really reaching out there?no they sound pretty standard
  2) I am concerned that if I take this to court, I could end up getting less time/flexability than what was trying to be agreed upon. Is this concern warented, or has the past 6-8 months of visitation, communication, and willing to compromise enough to show my dedication/love and need for my daughter?the fact you have establushed a good long distance relationship already "should" work in your favor
  3) Any advice or opinions regarding my situation?
  Have you ironed out all the transportation details? do you have a plan for p/u and drop off times and locations? Its very important to get those in writing so the rules don't suddenly change misdtream.
  always remember its never about the grownups, its always about whats best for your daughter. Remember its not "your" daughter, its "our" daughter, always show that your goal is to CO-parent with your ex, and not be the enemy.
  As a step mother myself for the past 1 years, you would do well to never let your ex, even think your wife has any input as far as your dealings with her go (save talking to your wife about the situations, for when the ex is not around..In 1 years, I haven't said much more to my husbands ex other than "Is this it? (thier back packs and stuff on pick up) and "hi! beautiful weather today, eh?" I go on pick ups and drop offs but I also dissappear into the convenience store pretty quickly when they talk any "business" on pick ups and drop offs...granted she is a hosebeast, so I have to do this, or risk an appearance on the Jerry Springer show. But, I think its pretty much a good idea for everybody, especially if the child is young and the split is still raw...
  .

  
  *
• Thu, 01 May 2008 21:17:00 GMT(14)
• The kid is only 14 months old. No visits at all before 3 months (understandably due to paternity), then the weekend visits only since 6 months (I assume getting situated). That means over a period of 8 months of visitation you went from having EVERY weekend to having four days every 2-3 weeks. Was the "every weekend" period for a month, or for 6 months? How much visitation has there actually been?
  Also, if mom moved 1 months ago, it was only a month after you even knew the child was yours, and was 2 months before you said substantial visitation began. Am I right in thinking there was no consistent visitation yet when she moved?
  I'm just trying to wrap my head around how 5 /5 is even possible...even if you consider the distance, staus quo for the child IS with Mom no matter what the reason at this point. I mean, she's essentially been living in PA for longer than you've had overnights.
  Also it sounds like the type of case where things will get really bad between the parents...not just on Mom's side (because she is being way out of line) but honestly you seem to have been grasping at straws in regaurds to parenting deficiencies in Mom which is just as dirty and will only get worse with each court date no matter what you intentions were. It's an instinct and it happens alot. I was straight out warned that joint LEGAL wouldn't even be awarded if the parents could not at least communicate over things like doctors without argueing...and I'm in PA.
  If custody could go through PA I think that would be great because it will force mediation and co-parenting class...which helps ALOT with the type of communication break down you're describing. In fact even if you don't get it ordered you might want to look into asking for it anyway...it'll maybe keep things from escalating further because you are just at the very beginning and it just gets worse from here.
• Fri, 25 Apr 2008 07:16:00 GMT(15)

• Quote:

  Originally Posted by DedicatedFather

  
  Mom: Primany physical custudy
  Dad: Joint Legal Custudy
  1) Visitation: Fri-Mon every 2 weeks
  2) 2 weeks summer vacation (with added verbage for when the child enters school)
  3) She gets Christmas..I get Dec 26-Jan 2..evey year (Nothing wrong with christmas during new years) and mutually agree on other holidays (adjusted for when child enters school)
  4) Step-mother (my wife) can pick her up without me when I am unable to do pickup (E.X. EMERGENCIES)
  5) Ability to privide emergency and routine medical care as needed (daughter is under my insurance)
  ...and a bunch of other nonsence.
  Of course..out of everything she has a problem with #s 2, 4, 5...pretty much saying that 2 weeks is too long for her, she will NEVER give my daughter off to anyone but me "NO MATTER WHAT", and that she has ONLY 1 doctor and will ONLY have 1 doctor. She refuses to agree to anyhting that incorporates either of these things. After another trip to the lawyer and being reassured that what I am asking for is not rediculous..I resend the stipulation 2 more times...each with minor compromises and adjustments...including splitting the 2 weeks vacation to...2, 1 week vacations for the summer. Of course...NO GO.

  Her objecting to #2 is pretty normal. Many mothers of infants and tots have a hard time wrapping their head around the idea of being separated from the child for extended periods of time. What you are asking for is totally reasonable however, and a judge would certainly side with you.
  Her objecting to #4 is also VERY normal. Unless you forsee regular situations where you won't be able to pick up the child, you might want to consider conceding on that one, or perhaps substituting a member of your family (grandparent, aunt/uncle) for your wife. A judge would likely side with you on it, but from a psychological standpoint it might get the process moving towards agreement so a judge doesn't have to decide.
  #5 is kind of silly in my opinion. Mom is right that the child should have only one primary care doctor. However, with joint legal custody you would automatically have the right to seek needed care while the child is with you, so there really is no need for that kind of clause in your agreement.
  

  Quote:

  So now its down to neither of us willing to sign the stipulation, but visitation has been shaky but steady at every 2 weeks for 4 days (though am being threatened of decreased time). My wife and I are constanly being personally attacked by my EX regarding all aspects of life, I am never really recognized as being a father (though the word is used a lot when she throws grief/threats at me). My EX has compared me (to my face and in writing) to the equivlent of a babysitter, that her "Home" will ALWAYS be with her (I.E. my EX), and that my daughter "NEVER LIVES" with me. When there was a babysitter...the babysitter got priority than I did..."You cant have her for that time becuase the babysitter needs to have her. Meaning...since the babysitter gets paid either way...the babysitter gets the child...end of discussion. All of this added on to additional harassment when my daugher is with me (phone calls and other nonsense). As I was told to do, and have been doing...I just let her "spit the venom" at me in writing as I just reply back with kindness and compassion.

  Mom is NOT behaving well here, but mom's attitudes/reactions are fairly normal, given the situation.
  

  Quote:

  I know that some of this stems from fear and jealousy of a "2 parent stable household" and the fact that I can provide a lot for my daughter (opportunities and etc...). I also think that there is also some anger/fear over the fact that I am actually trying to really be a part of my daughter's life and not be one of those "just mails the check dad".

  This is where you need a bit of a reality check. You do NOT live in a "2 parent stable household". You wife is not your child's parent, and will never be your child's parent. Your wife is a legal stranger to your child and will always be a legal stranger to your child.
  If you are giving mom the impression that you consider your wife to be a third parent in this case, that might explain alot of mom's attitude....and would likely cause you some considerable grief with the judge. In addition, the marital status of either parent is completely irrelevant in a custody/visitation case.
  

  Quote:

  1) Are my demands legit or am I really reaching out there?
  2) I am concerned that if I take this to court, I could end up getting less time/flexability than what was trying to be agreed upon. Is this concern warented, or has the past 6-8 months of visitation, communication, and willing to compromise enough to show my dedication/love and need for my daughter?
  3) Any advice or opinions regarding my situation?

  I don't like the fact that you call them demands. It indicates that you are not really willing to negotiate. However no, what you are asking for is not unreasonable and a judge would probably side with you on most things. However, a judge isn't going to give you flexibility. A judge is going to set a specific schedule that you would both have to adhere to, and with specific orders regarding all the other issues.
  There is a slight chance that a judge might consider every other weekend to be too much with the distance involved, but if the judge did, the judge would be looking at ways to give you the same amount of time, but with a different schedule.
  The best advice that I can give you is to adjust your attitude regarding your wife in this whole thing, and to make sure that you and your wife both understand that she is not, and never will be, one of this child's parents. That will help you a lot with mom, AND with the judge.
• Fri, 25 Apr 2008 09:34:00 GMT(16)
• If this went to court, I don't see any reason why everything you've asked for would not fly. Since you only have basically the minimum visitation during the rest of the year, your summer visitation request is actually light. You could have more time then. You should at least consider a graduated schedule to have daughter more in the summer until you have her up to 1/2 the summer school (or track break) schedule, whatever your schedule permits. Also, I realize you are being accommodating saying you can celebrate Christmas on another day (good attitude), but in reality you should probably split the Christmas holiday period in half and switch who gets which half each year. You can use the school calendar so that the first period starts at the end of school the day the break starts and goes until 9AM 12/26 and the 2nd half from then until 8PM the night before school resumes.
  You should also address the holidays and staff development days that cause kids to be out of school during the school year, the days that make into 3 or 4-day weekends that many families like to use to go on mini vacations.
• Fri, 25 Apr 2008 11:46:00 GMT(17)

• Quote:

  Originally Posted by milspecgirl

  i agree with not just singling out stepmom for pickup. maybe a list of ppl,- grandma, aunt, etc and include stepmom in the list. In all honesty since she has no right to say who the child can spend time with when they are with you, as long as the person has your permission and the appropriate car seat, shouldn't be a problem

  I agree. The whole who picks up the child discussion would be better left out of things unless there is a reason to be suspicious or untrusting of the other parents' choices of who they would have around the child or driving the child. If there's no issue, neither parent should really care. If Dad is to be restricted on who picks the child up, then he should restrict the Mom from having anyone else drive the child on her parenting time, too.
• Thu, 01 May 2008 05:34:00 GMT(18)
• Quote:

  Originally Posted by onebreathAn attorney won't tell you this, but folks here are mostly suggesting a graduated plan over time, which when requested in your motion and court, the judges are very familiar with working with.
  

  And you are basing this opinion on WHAT? Give me a break.
• Thu, 01 May 2008 01:17:00 GMT(19)
• OK, the deal is is to not make your decisions slam dunk cause your made at your ex. I don't blame you for being mad, trust me, been there done that. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. She's being a jerk, but stay focused on your daughters' best interests...when this all goes to court mom probably won't look so great for denying you visitation, and if you show up caring more about whats best for your daughter schedule wise, you will earn respect.
  I disagree with your idea to do one week on one week off at this stage, even if a judge were to grant it to you.
  1. I don't think its in the best interests of the child, who is used to 4 days every two weeks or month. I don't think thats a reasonable graduation FOR THE CHILD's development. An attorney won't tell you this, but folks here are mostly suggesting a graduated plan over time, which when requested in your motion and court, the judges are very familiar with working with.
  Its hard for a judge or mediator to grant something like that long distance as before long the child will be going to kindergarden and school. Before kindergarden some parents like the child to go to preschool, part or full time...to start socializing before kindergarden...she cannot do that with even pt preschool if she is going back and forth every week. It just wouldn't work. You need to get on deltabravo and check out schedules and find one that can work into/graduate to as full a plan as possible for child when child is in school. I just think you will have more success legally, overall, if you do that.
  I would go back to some original ideals of keeping the 4 day, working up, looking at long holiday weekends as much as possible, perhaps you could have the majority (or all), significant portions of the holidays (Thanksgiving seems to always get alternated...guess cause its short) of legal holidays that fall on a Friday or Monday
  Over period of years working up to most of the summer vacation.
  I do not see how you can do 5 /5 with the long distance, but maybe it can be done. How far is the drive one way?
  Giving the child Tylenol is not neglect. It may be harmful...but its medically accepted...so you will look like a fool. When stuff like that comes up, your only recourse is to write mom a brief, nice note and share your concerns and educate her with what you know. I gave our baby Tylenol, I didn't have a clue. Some parents are more into medicating their children than others....differences like that are something you will have to live with. I have, and I am still alive. Its not easy...and sometimes its hard to know when to bring something up in court...but leave this one alone...let mom make all her wild accusations and see where that flies.
  Both you and mom are new at this. New at having a baby, and new at "coparenting" for better or worse. I did the same thing except I am the mom and no one moved far away...dad ended up moving to our county after a few years which helped TREMENDOUSLY with daughters school years.
  Mom is being ultra protective, and you are expecting too much, via the Tylenol thing and pooh poohing some of her complaints. I would be concerned if baby was not clingy and fussy after returning...my child had tremendous transition issues...beyond the norm I think (now sees a play therapist regularly). I thought dad wasn't doing good enough job, he said no problems but it was distressing to watch her behavior with me after her return back to me...he wasn't able to hear me because he thought I was trying to alienate him, which I wasn't, I really wanted to coparent, but he always has thought that despite intervention sometimes from other people....child is probably fine and happy with you...but your a different parent, you have a different way of being with child, and child is going to hit bumps. Both you and mom need to learn and accept that...I say need because until you do it will be fingerpointing.
  Please reconsider your stance and read younger child development books, talk to a child therapist (about appropriate schedules), look up deltabravo, talk here. Your attorney will help you with your legal rights but you alone can determine what is truly best for your child at this stage in her life and I think you need more education to do that.
  Been there, done that.
• Thu, 01 May 2008 14:41:00 GMT(20)

• Quote:

  Originally Posted by wileybunch

  Child has already been sharing time with parents, moreso with Mom, until Mom's just now cutting things off with Dad. OP hasn't mentioned that child "grieves heavily" when not with him, why would you assume that would start once she sees a little more of Dad and a little less of Mom?
  Until unmarried Dad's are able to carry pregnancies, status quo is always with Mom. Dad has been involved and stayed involved with child to extent Mother would allow, perhaps ignorant of his legal rights, but is now asserting them while child is still young after demonstrating ongoing and continued involvement in her short life already. I don't think OP should be discouraged from coming forward to share parenting in his child. He shouldn't be penalized for not having given birth and it's not so much that he hasn't had shared do-it-yourself-custody already that will affect the decision, it will be the local/judge climate.

  Its the length of time and the frequency of the change. She won't understand what has happened to mom when she switches to dad, and then she won't understand what has happened to dad when she switches to mom. If she were a year or so older, and could communicate more, it could work better.....or if they were closer together, and could switch every three or four days, it could work better. I am particularly opposed to dad's idea of switching every two weeks. I think that could really do a number on a 14 month old.
  There also is the problem of going through a full fledged custody battle again in 3 or 4 years. By then the child WILL be used to seeing both parents equally, and will then have to go through another disruption and unheaval.
• Thu, 01 May 2008 08:50:00 GMT(21)
• DedicatedFather, Mom didn't HAVE to let you have visits with the child since there hadn't been an order for that, nevertheless the judge will know about the history and may not care for how Mom handled it. At the same time, you don't have to justify going to court to get such a court order. It needs to be done. You have every right to equal access to your child even if you didn't birth her and have automatic parental rights as a result. The one bearing the child is not automatically the "better parent" just b/c their maternity is absolute while your paternity has to be established and rights spelled out in a court order since you weren't married. Do not let the situation seem to be a case against you. The stipulation being offered was on the light side time wise even if you hadn't wanted shared custody, but since you do want shared custody, what's been offered is quite far from where you'd like things to end up so pursuing this with an attorney and filing a motion is what it looks like you'll need to get this moved along to its conclusion.
• Fri, 02 May 2008 00:07:00 GMT(22)
• The bottom line is court is the only way you can nip her refusing you visitation, so no matter how hopeful things were earlier, it won't happen. Just hope there is a time in the future you two can make lasting agreements together around child.
  Mediation will probably happen before court anyway, you want it. Coparent classes could be good too...
  I do not understand either why the court date is so far away. I live in a area that is known to be maxed out court wise and if I were to file a motion...it would take probably anywhere from one and half month to the court date, to over Christmas maybe two and half months. I don't know your area, what does your attorney say for why its so far away?
  I do not know of any recourse except an emergency order and that is not feasible here. Hopefully someone else has an answer for your late court date.
  I can only imagine your frustration...hope you find a solution.
• Thu, 01 May 2008 11:50:00 GMT(23)

• Quote:

  Originally Posted by DedicatedFather

  Thank you all for your continued advice and comments. For those who questioned my motives in regards to our daughter...let me clarify the underlying reasoning for the statments I made.
  I am not out to "get" my EX or to "hurt" her...I want what is the best overall for our Daughter. My fear was that medication was being used INAPPROPRATLY and that our daughter's actions was demostrating this fear. It seems that overall; the view of our daughter's attraction towards tylenol is a "normal" reaction and that it would be foolish to try and use it. I appreciate your candor and honesty in regards to your statements.
  In regards to "The Final Blow"...I returned our daughter to my EX after a wonderful visit with me. Upon returning home, I received an e-mail saying bluntly...."You cannot have any more visitations with 'our daughter'. She will remain home with me where I know she will be taken care of safely...." She also added that it will be like this until a formal stipulation can be agreed upon (as you read the previous logs..you will see that this is impossible).
  So now...I have an appointment with my lawyer on monday to get the ball rolling on taking my EX to court for my basic rights. With all your input...I am now going to fight for a 5 /5 custody (either 1week on/off or a 2week on/off due to the distance), 5 % of transportaion support, CS adjustment for increased time with me, and tax credit sharing. This is not out of anger or hatred, but what I believe is in our Daughter's BEST interest. I guess I will find out about when, where and how the court will work with it being PA residency and other factors in VA
  Hopefully I will get the visitation and court orders I would like due to:
  1) All the attacks my EX has made towards me and my ability to rasise our daughter, and my actual existance in her life...etc,
  2) All the restrictions and roadblocks my EX has placed to prevent me from seeing my Daughter
  3) All the times I have tried to compromise on this "stipulation"
  4) MY EX being the one who is REFUSING to allow misitation that has been going on for the past 6-8 months
  5) My constant desire to be involved and influential in our Daughter's life regardless of the above problems.
  Any other thoughts in this matter?
  I will let you all know how things develop.

  I will be honest and tell you that in my personal opinion, the 5 /5 schedule you are proposing would be horrible for your 14 month old daughter. She isn't old enough to understand what is going on, therefore, what will happen is that she will grieve for each of you heavily, each time that she transfers to the other parent. If she were a little older, old enough to understand what is going on, that could work better.
  Also, you need to realize as well that if you do manage to get 5 /5 ordered, (and its defintely not guaranteed that you will) what is going to happen is that you will be right back in court, fighting this battle all over again in about 3-4 years, when she starts school.
  5 /5 only really works if the parents are in the same community, and can tailor a plan that works for the child's age and general nature.
  I also honestly don't think that you have a viable chance at primary custody either at this point. Despite the fact that there is no existing court order, status quo is with mom.
• Thu, 01 May 2008 14:56:00 GMT(24)
• why in the world would you agree to share transportation when mom moved?
  she moved, knowing there was a child that needed to go back and forth- request she be responsible for all transportation costs- you may not get it- but you definitely won't if you don't ask for it
• Mon, 28 Apr 2008 13:22:00 GMT(25)
• Quote:

  Originally Posted by profmumYou are crazy! Children's Tylenol is one of the safest medication you can give a child.

  Overusage of Tylenol and other acetaminophen containing products can cause Liver damage/failure. So, no, I personally wouldn't consider it "one of the safest medications" one can give a child.
• Mon, 28 Apr 2008 15:26:00 GMT(26)
• I have to agree with the majority on this one as well...Tylenol is probably the most common of all childhood medicines used. The baby is possibly excited because she realizes that the meds help make her feel better when her mouth hurts (possibly due to teething, etc.). My daughter has never given me any problems taking medications but she has never been over medicated either. Some kids react negatively and some positively to taking medications.
  If you take that to court, the most likely outcome is that the Judge will see that as a threat against the mother and her relationship with your daughter and it will backfire on you. I say that you keep up the good work with the relationship with your daughter and definitely go for one week per month versus 4 days...she is not in school yet and believe me, it gets harder when they are in school. You live so far away too and that will likely become very tiring after a few years. In all honesty, your child may be the one who ends up not wanting to travel that far eventually.
• Fri, 25 Apr 2008 09:47:00 GMT(27)
• I realize the child is young. I light of the price of gas these days, Why not ask for a week per month. You already are doing 4 days. To only as for 2 weeks in the summer ~ why not 4 or 5, probably a week at a time.
  If you haven't asked for it, include maybe a phone call per week/ or web-cam access to. Since it works both ways, that might help mom too.
• Fri, 02 May 2008 01:06:00 GMT(28)

• Quote:

  Originally Posted by DedicatedFather

  In some ways I hope that this heated discussion may help others in their quest for knowledge and insight for their own problems. I will continue to let you all know how this advacnces.

  One of the things I hope men see is if they aren't married and don't keep it tucked away, they can be in the same shoes you are some day vs. if you were married, you wouldn't have to climb the hurdle to even get to see the child in the first place. Men who get married before having children and who end up divorced and want to stay in their kids' lives as much as possible stay in the family home until custody/visitation is worked out, all the while having access with their kids' and not giving up the custodial parenting to the Mom.
• Fri, 02 May 2008 06:46:00 GMT(29)

• Quote:

  Originally Posted by DedicatedFather

  I hear what everybody is saying and respect everyone's opinions and insight into the situation. I really hope though, that all of you who say that 5 /5 is possible are right
  What is really scary is the unknown amount of time that could pass by trying to get a court date and then waiting for it. Is it normal for the courts to set up some sort of visitation schedule while waiting for the court date? Is it possible that months could go by and I would not be allowed to see/have our daughter? With all the things happening now...this is one of my biggest fears....not being able to be part of our daughter's life and not being able to see, hold, kiss, play...etc with her untill this is all over.

  Its pretty definite that PA would have jurisdiction in this case. If you get yourself a decent attorney in PA it should be possible to get temporary visitation orders put in place, so that you will not be without visitation for the duration. However, unfortunately, unless mom relents, there is going to be a period of time where you will be without visitation. How long that will be, will be based on how quickly an attorney can get a motion for temporary visitation in front of a judge. That depends in great part on how backed up the courts are.
  I would strongly advise not attempting to fight a jurisdictional battle. That will drag out the case and make it more expensive, and may make the period of time that you are without visitation, even longer. You want this in front of a judge as soon as possible.
  

  Quote:

  I hope that the mediation or co-parenting class doesn't become a reality. It is not because I am against trying to work things out...it is because my EX refuses to try and work things out. The whole idea from the start was to create this "stipulation" outside the courts to be able to agree on the visitation and custudy and end it there. However, every time I gave her a copy of a stipulation..it was always "NO" or "I will never sign this" for x,y,z reason. Never giving any alternatives, compromises, or suggestions...just said NO and expected me to make more changes....eventually wanting me to make the stipulation "Her stipulation" which allowed me basically nothing in regards to visits or rights. I do not see her being any different in a court ordered mediation; anything I want or suggest will be a "NO". I truly believe it will take a court order to force her to allow me my rights as a father.
  It is truly sad that it had to come to this and I cry for our daughter every night.

  Unfortunately you WILL have to go to mediation, even if its a pointless exercise. That truly is standard in contested custody cases. However, there will be a mediator there, whose job is to steer the two of you in the direction that the court would deem reasonable. Therefore if she doesn't negotiate properly, the mediator will tell her when she is being unreasonable or has unrealistic expectations, and the mediator will do the same for you as well.
  I don't know for sure about PA, but most states these days also require the parenting classes or classes. Its not usually an option.
  

  Quote:

  In some ways I hope that this heated discussion may help others in their quest for knowledge and insight for their own problems. I will continue to let you all know how this advacnces.
  Thank you all again for your continues insight and willing to take the time and place a post.

  Just a couple of other points....
  Joint legal custody (joint decision making) is virtually a given. Its very much the norm these days so that is a point you can safely "stick" on.
  The bare minimum that a judge would give you would be likely to be 1 weekend a month, (maybe two since the distance seems to be managable) half of every major holiday (based on the normal school schedule in the area, even though your child is not of school age yet) and 1/2 of the summer. (divided in an age appropriate way) You also have a status quo situation, on 4 days every two weeks, so that might be included in a bare minimum. That is also what a judge would be likely to order as far as temporary visitation is concerned.
  The mediator will make those things clear to mom, so any negotiating should be from that point. You shouldn't have to negotiate to get to that point.
  If mediation fails, there is also the chance that a judge would appoint a GAL (Guardian ad litem) to assist the judge in determning what is in the best interest of the child.
  Also, while 5 /5 splits are becoming more prevalent, they are still not the norm, particularly when there is a significant distance between the parent's homes. Therefore, while its not impossible to prevail, its not a guaranteed win for you either. Particularly if you get a judge who is not going to want to see you back in court in 3-4 years with another hotly contested custody battle.
  When you consult with the attorney in PA ask him/her what your true odds are of prevailing on that issue, based on your set of circumstances...and decide your strategy accordingly.
  Is mom from your area? If so, do you see any possibility that she might move back there in the future? If so, that would be an opportunity to revisit a 5 /5 schedule, if you can't prevail this time. Also, that would be an opportunity to ensure that she couldn't move again.
• Mon, 28 Apr 2008 08:46:00 GMT(30)
• [quote=DedicatedFather;1908540]IFinally as the update...what really constitutes as neglect or child endangerment? I ask because ovbiously I have some fears. Mainly the area on "child stimulation" Ex: I got a copy of our daughter's "routeine" and all it really consists of is sleep and food. In an entire day...mabye 3-5 hours of possible play time/activities. When my daugher is with me, we are constantly doing this...playing and other forms of stimulation, and she has no problems with us eating or sleeping. Though when she returns to her other home, mom complains that our daughter is "fussy and clingly"....I wonder if it is because we are actually giving her attention all the time and being with her?!? Because of this as well...she has threatened to reduce the visits...believing the behavior is due to being away from home too long. Am I just being crazy or is there possibly some legitmacy to this idea?
  Dont even go down this path! lots of toddlers take several naps during the day, my DD napped every 3-4 hours at that age! Child endangerment.. BS.. i promise you, you will get NO WHERE with these kinds of allegations. Likewise, Mum will get no where with "hey no more visits, because kiddo is clingly"... to be expected till the child gets used to her new routine.
  My other area of concern regards medication (child endangerment). I believe that our daughter is being over medicated or given meds inapropriatly...mainly the use of Tylenol. I found out that if I was to hold the bottle of tylenol out and show it to her...she would look/smile/grab/place in mouth. This is also the case when she is crying...she cries/sees tylenol bootle/stops crying/smiles/grabs bottle/puts in mouth. I have tried this with other objets and bottles the same size...and she only does it for Tylenol. She even did the reaching and putting in mouth motion when she saw just a tylenol box. I am thinking of getting a tylenol blood level checked to see.. Once again..just crazy or possibly a problem? If these two items can be considered legit...is it enough to possibly use against my EX if I needed to?
  
  You are crazy! Children's Tylenol is one of the safest medication you can give a child, so in 14 months, chances are very high that Mum had to give her Tylenol more than once (it is called raising a child!), probably by coaxing the child or making a game of it etc and hence the child recognizes the medication. Your intentions are very clear now, you want to "nail your ex"... so much for the concerned father charade... this will backfire on you.
• Fri, 02 May 2008 01:03:00 GMT(31)

• Quote:

  Originally Posted by DedicatedFather

  I hear what everybody is saying and respect everyone's opinions and insight into the situation. I really hope though, that all of you who say that 5 /5 is possible are right

  There wouldn't be any way to sustain 5 /5 with a school age child so if you really want 5 /5 over the long term, you and Mom will need to live closer together before child enters school.
• Fri, 25 Apr 2008 09:49:00 GMT(32)
• someone made the suggestion of incorporating a graduated summer schedule. 1 week the first year and then building up an additional week each year until you hit 6 weeks. be willing to break them into maybe 2 - 3 week sessions.
  how long have mom and child lived in PA? she may already have residency there meaning you have to go thru their courts.
  google long distnace parenting plans in both states.
  most times a judge will go with the standard if mom and dad can't agree. Also if mom is the one who moved, she should be responsible for at least some of the transportation. you need to excercise your visits at your home place so that the child feels they belong in both places.
  Joint legal means you have just as many medical, educational, etc decision making rights as mom.
  i agree with not just singling out stepmom for pickup. maybe a list of ppl,- grandma, aunt, etc and include stepmom in the list. In all honesty since she has no right to say who the child can spend time with when they are with you, as long as the person has your permission and the appropriate car seat, shouldn't be a problem
• Mon, 28 Apr 2008 13:50:00 GMT(33)
• Quote:

  Originally Posted by TheGeekessOverusage of Tylenol and other acetaminophen containing products can cause Liver damage/failure. So, no, I personally wouldn't consider it "one of the safest medications" one can give a child.

  Very true.
• Mon, 28 Apr 2008 09:33:00 GMT(34)
• And in all honesty, the important parts of a kid's routine at that age ARE when they eat and when they sleep. I don't think I'd have been able to give you a definite schedule of when we did what other stuff - because it changed. One day we might have an impromptu play date, another we might go for a walk or to the park, or we may just stay home and be silly. All of that is implied to be occurring during the non-eating/sleeping hours.
  There's also the possibility of OVERstimulation - which one might argue that you and your wife are guilty of. For all you know, your little one is actually telling her Mom (via her behavior when she gets home) "Thank God I'm back here - those crazy people have me scheduled 24/7!"
  Tylenol? Both of mine knew what the bottle looked like. Not because I gave it to them all the time, but because they really didn't like it. If Mom has gotten the kiddo to take it w/o fuss, the only thing I'd be concerned about is making sure that it's kept in a child-safe place in both homes.
  And I'm afraid your question:
  

  Quote:

  is it enough to possibly use against my EX if I needed to?

  really does point to your underlying motivation. That's kind of sad.
• Mon, 28 Apr 2008 09:45:00 GMT(35)
• And the child is at the stage where she is teething and many doctors recommend tylenol for children when teething to get rid of the pain.
• Thu, 01 May 2008 13:52:00 GMT(36)

• Quote:

  Originally Posted by LdiJ

  I will be honest and tell you that in my personal opinion, the 5 /5 schedule you are proposing would be horrible for your 14 month old daughter. She isn't old enough to understand what is going on, therefore, what will happen is that she will grieve for each of you heavily, each time that she transfers to the other parent. If she were a little older, old enough to understand what is going on, that could work better.

  Child has already been sharing time with parents, moreso with Mom, until Mom's just now cutting things off with Dad. OP hasn't mentioned that child "grieves heavily" when not with him, why would you assume that would start once she sees a little more of Dad and a little less of Mom?
  

  Quote:

  Originally Posted by LdiJ

  I also honestly don't think that you have a viable chance at primary custody either at this point. Despite the fact that there is no existing court order, status quo is with mom.

  Until unmarried Dad's are able to carry pregnancies, status quo is always with Mom. Dad has been involved and stayed involved with child to extent Mother would allow, perhaps ignorant of his legal rights, but is now asserting them while child is still young after demonstrating ongoing and continued involvement in her short life already. I don't think OP should be discouraged from coming forward to share parenting in his child. He shouldn't be penalized for not having given birth and it's not so much that he hasn't had shared do-it-yourself-custody already that will affect the decision, it will be the local/judge climate.
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[CRIMINAL LAW & PROCEDURE] What is the name of your state? Michigan In October 2001 an appartment was raided. There was meth manufacturing equiptment and small amounts of meth (that was manufactured there), under a gram. No meth was sold. It was personal use. The person was never arrested or contacted by the police or.........

[Immigration Law] Right, thanks for the replies. This is not a question for me, but instead on another bulletion board I am trying to help someone else with. The I's and we and such were not meant to be refering to me, sorry for any misconfusion. I have given them the text about what is considered means tested.........

[Traffic Law] I recived a speeding ticket in a small town in Pa. I agree with the cop that I was speeding about 5 or 6 miles over the speed limit. He told me he clock me at 51 in a 35, which I didn't agree with him. I asked if he clock me on radar and he told me on a robic stopwacth. I plead not guilty and.........

[Tax Law] What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? CA I've read in some tax advice links that donating your car is a tax-write off. I just wanted to find out what are the requirements on claiming this? Do you have to own any property or have any assets? Wouldn't it be considered a.........

[Immigration Law] Hello: I am on an L-2 visa and applied for an EAD on 7/25/03. Yesterday my online status showed that a "request for more evidence" has been mailed to me. I have had a job offer for a few weeks now and have been waiting for the EAD to get employed. Once I send back to the BCIS the.........

[Real Estate & Property Law] My lease ends this end of July and I have given a 60 day notice. Coincidentally my landlord comes into my apartment a few days later threatening me that I will be liable for all the damages that has been done to the apartment. Especially the carpet with stains. There are stains that are.........

[Government & Administrative Law] What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Student was living in TN at time of ROTC but now lives in NC I am writing this to aid a friend. She received an Army ROTC scholarship to a college. In her sophomore year she developed migraines and.........

[Employment & Labor Law] I have been with this company for almost a year and was asked if I wanted a promotion to an office position. The owner' s wife gave me the opportunity to take this position. I was told by her to contact her husband who is the owner for an interview because he agreed to conduct one. When I tried.........